Dating Recap Part 1

Disclaimer: The following post is geared toward those who were present during the dating discussion on Sunday, April 18.

Last night we discussed what a gospel-centered dating relationship looks like. Several people have asked me to post my 29 points… Yes, I had 29 points. Here are the first 12. I’ll post the rest throughout the week.

12 principles for dating

1. Jesus is your first relationship. If you do not get this point the rest will be applied in vain. This means knowing that your life was bought by his blood and your life is hidden in him. Because of this we seek what is of God. (Col 3:1-4)

2. Date under the provision of a Christian family. If you 1) do not have a Christian family, 2) have parents with a poor marriage (divorce, abuse, no communication, etc.), or 3) have parents that are out of state… seek discipleship and counsel from men and women within Grace Community Church. (Eph 5:31)

3. Date within community. Allow the believers God has placed in your life help process through your choices. (Acts 2: 42-47)

4. Look at what God has put in front of you. Are you overlooking good, godly men or women? (Acts 17:26)

5. Only pursue someone who you are attracted to. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, intellectually, socially, etc. (Gen 2:23)

6. Date someone who is your friend. Get to know the person on friendship level before you know them on a romantic level.

7. Don’t have sex… of any form. (1 Cor 6:18)

8. Guys initiate, girls respond. Do not ask her to ask her friend if she likes you.

9. Girls, don’t be easy. Pursue being a Titus 2:5 woman.

10. Girls, don’t buy a “fixer-upper”. You cannot and will not change him. You wont become his girlfriend. You’ll become his mom. Look for a man who is pursuing being a 1 Timothy 3:1-7 man.

11. Going on a date does not mean you are dating. It is OK to go out and talk over coffee!

12. Understand that you may have the gift of singleness for this season of your life. So use your time, energy, and money to further God’s kingdom in the ways hes calling you to right now. (1 Cor 7:7)




Filed under Relationships

7 responses to “Dating Recap Part 1

  1. Paul

    My brothers and sisters at VI,

    Very encouraged by what you are learning at the moment. I believe that we (especially me!) are so indoctrinated by society’s and our culture’s viewpoint and beliefs about dating that we don’t have enough solid truth from the Scriptures built up in us.

    I have really been rejoicing in #12 recently. PLEASE grasp that point. Don’t waste your singleness.

    “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
    1 Corinthians 7:32-35

    Much peace.

  2. Leo

    i think 8 is retarded and NOT really Biblical. I’m waiting for a woman who a) realizes that and b) realizes what a catch I am. Really that idea is only biblical insofar as patriarchy was the social norm of the time. REALLY the BIBLICAL social norm was for parents to find their kids a spouse, but who cares, right?

    • Jesse

      First off the bible is filled with examples of men in leadership roles, not only in family related matters but in everyday life. As men our responibility is to be the leaders of our families: marriage is a picture of the relationship between christ and his bride -the church- and as Christ is the leader in that relationship we are to be the leaders in our marriage (and the relationship leading up to it. If you look in the new testament at the instructions God gave to the fledgling church about how to go about life, you’ll see that wives are called to submit to their husbands (implying that men are leading them) as to the Lord (who is our ultimate leader and King).
      Men are the providers (not saying women can’t work) and protectors of the wife and family. Also we’re to be leading our family in godliness (by example and personally assisting in their spiritual growth).
      No where in the bible does God call for, or even suggest room for, men to be in any way passive in their pursuit of Christ or anything else in life. Instead in every instance, we’re called to go and do it to the best of our ability and Gods glory.
      In your quest for a woman who will pursue you, you’re showing that a) you haven’t met a woman who you see much value in, and/or b) you are afraid of being rejected. Please don’t view any of this as harsh or a slight against your character but rather openly examine your own character and beliefs and see if they are in alignment with the gospel.

  3. johnholman

    @Leo- Calling someone else’s thoughts “retarded” and then saying you want someone to realize “how much of a catch you are” is counter-productive. You might want to re-think how you go about treating others. Start by being encouraging rather than breaking people down. Just a thought.

    As far as the point goes, let’s dive into it a little deeper and see if we can find Biblical reason to believe that men should initiate and women should respond. First, the creation order gives us an idea of the way that God wired us differently. He created Adam first, Eve second. That’s not to say that one is better than the other, but it should give some insight as to the desires of each. Man was brought into the earth to be a caretaker of the earth. He started his job by naming the animals. Somewhere along the path, God realized he needed to be respected, appreciated. He created women to fill that need, and he created women with needs that men were designed to fulfill – care taking and protection. God didn’t mess up and “forget” to create Eve. I think he did things the way he did to show us why we need each other and the roles we are to fulfill in each others’ lives.

    1 Corinthians 11 is not completely culturally relevant any more. For instance, I don’t think you’re going to find many evangelical Christians who believe it’s a sin if women do not cover their head when praying. That was symbolic to the culture at the time. However, I do believe the principle still remains, and the principle was this: Men are not to cover their heads because they are the image and glory of God; Women are to cover their heads because they are the image and glory of man. Again, that is not to say either one is better than the other. Simply that they are not the same. They were created differently, with different gifts, different purposes, and different needs.

    One more example to wrap things up. Read over Ephesians 5. Ephesians 5 gives us a framework for the way intimate, sexual relationships are supposed to work between men and women. The analogy basically says that men are supposed to love and cherish their wives, giving up their lives for them to maintain their purity, beauty, and holiness. Men are to do EVERYTHING for their wives because they are a treasure worth fighting for. Women are to love and trust their husbands’ leadership and wisdom, knowing that if their husband truly loves Christ, he will do the best thing for that marriage, because the goal of a Christ-like marriage is for each of the husband and wife to serve each other and give of themselves fully to each other.

    Men and women are wired differently. Neither is inferior to the other. We are just different. We have different needs, different desires, and we must be treated differently.

  4. Sam

    “Don’t have sex… of any form.”

    Does that include kissing? any kind of touching?

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