The Bible never addresses dating. Does this mean that dating is unbiblical? Does it mean we have the freedom to date however or whoever we want? Or should we dismiss dating altogether and retreat to a hyper-conservative model of courtship?
Curiously our culture has influenced and shaped our views on relationship and marriage far more then the Bible has. It is tough to find a magazine without “7 steps to please your man” or “4 ways to drive her wild” littered on the cover. It seems that almost every magazine on the rack (with the exception of Home and Garden) is geared towards guiding men and women through their relational and sexual experiences. As a result our culture is filled with a hook-up and break-up mentality. The style of dating is no more then a series of short-term relationships with selfish intent.
How do we have gospel-centered relationships? We need to be smart with how we go about pursing dating relationships. This means seeking a biblical framework.
On Sunday we’ll be discussing what it looks like to be in a gospel-centered relationship. We’ll examine the 3 context in which Christians are prone to date in- religion, irreligion, or gospel-centered.
Here are the questions VIers asked regarding dating. Note: these are actual, word-for-word questions submitted by students in VI.
- How do I know if I’m pursuing a girl for the right reasons?
- How do I know if the “issues” I see in someone are good reasons to hesitate or just somethings I should overlook?
- How do I know if someone is “the one?”
- How do I know if a guy is trustworthy?
- What are somethings couples can do while dating to build their relationship and glorify God through it?
- Should a girl ever pursue a guy?
- Can I date someone who isn’t a Christian?
Here are the 11 things Chris Gonzalez shared with VI as part of his talk on sexuality.
- Your sexual sin at its root is an expression of your rebellion against God.
- Lie: 100% of guys masturbate.
- If you have not been saved by Jesus, you are enslaved to sin. If you have been saved by Jesus, you do NOT need to be enslaved to sexual sin.
- God created Men and Women differently. Men tend to be more visual and physical. Women tend to be more romantic and relational.
- Women, how should you dress? Don’t look for a rule. Instead, check where you are getting your identity from. Why do you dress the way you dress? To get attention? To fit in? These are gospel questions.
- “How far is too far?” is arguably the most religious question you can possibly ask.
- Oral sex is biblical… with you husband or wife.
- Behavior modification does not work. You have to get the “expulsive power of a greater affection.”
- Dudes, that girl you are –ing at/with is someone’s daughter. And the reason she is wearing that or doing that or dancing like that, or…is because some other dude (usually her dad or an ex) acted like a boy and treated her like a piece of meat. And now you are doing the same thing. Good job.
- The Greek word “porneia” is a junk drawer term for “sexual sin.” Quit being a pervert and trying to invent exceptions for yourself. Its still going in the junk drawer. (Driscoll)
- Ignoring and forgetting past sexual sin does not work. Trying to be really good to erase past sexual sin doesn’t work. Lk 7:36
This Sunday VI will be starting up a new series on sexuality and relationships. The first week we’ll be looking into what the Bible says about sexuality. During the following weeks we’ll be discussing dating and marriage. Below are questions that young adults in VI have asked relating to sexuality.
- How do I battle sexual temptation?
- How do I keep my mind from wandering while walking on campus?
- What do I do about guilt from sexual sin?
- Is masturbation wrong if it keeps me from sexually sinning with someone else?
- What do I do about R-rated movies and music with lustful lyrics? What is line between engaging culture and protecting myself?
- What is considered “being modest” with the way I dress?
- Do male and females have sexual desires and temptations differ?
And my personal favorite…
- How do I bring sexy back?